Always
by Fanfiction911
Summary: Alex's future.


A lazy smile crawled across Alex's face as she felt Sean's hands circle around her waist. It was a rare morning off for them and they had spent it intertwined in each other's arms. His hands securely wrapped around her waist and his chest radiating heat on her back, he started softly kissing her shoulder making his way lazily up her neck. She shuddered at the feeling. She couldn't remember being so happy. To tell the truth, sometimes it scared her cold to think of how happy he made her. The closer they became, the more terrified she became. Could she go on if something happened to him? Did she want one person to have so much power over her?

"What are you thinking about?" Sean asked between kisses. "Hmm?"

Alex shuttered her thoughts as he started on the sensitive area behind her right ear and gave a tiny moan. "Nothing," she said breathlessly.

Sean smiled wickedly. "Really? Cause that doesn't sound like 'nothing'," he said as he reassumed his assault.

Alex couldn't help but laugh. Sometimes he was so goofy. She turned to face him and found herself face to face with him. She settled herself into the pillow and framed his face with her hands and tried to catch his attention. "Sean, we cannot stay in bed all day," she laughed as his hands brushed her back.

"Why? We're off-duty. We don't have to go in until tomorrow morning," Sean said playfully.

"I know but we need to eat, don't we? I'm starving," Alex said as her stomach growled.

"I see you've worked up an appetite this morning," he teased as she blushed. "Stay right here, don't move one inch, Udinov! I'm serious. I'll be right back." With that he gave her a quick kiss, jumped up from bed, threw on a pair of old sweatpants and disappeared out of the room.

Fifteen minutes later, he came barreling back into the room with a tray loaded with plates of food. He had whipped up toast with peanut butter and jam, scrambled eggs and bacon. He had poured them two huge coffees and even sugared and milked hers just the way she liked. With a crooked grin, he proudly set the tray in front of her as he crawled in under the covers.

"A feast fit for a beautiful woman!" He exclaimed with flourish.

Alex couldn't help but smile at his thoughtfulness and resourcefulness. It had been so long since anyone had taken such good care of her let alone cooked her breakfast. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she was happy and it was because of him.

"You cooked all this in fifteen minutes?" She asked still smiling.

"I did. I'm a man of many talents, you know," he teased.

She laughed uncontrollably as he pulled her closer and kissed her. She melted into his kiss and his arms like it was the most natural thing in the world. She tugged him closer and wrapped her arms around him as their kiss deepened.

"What ... about ... breakfast? Sean asked between kisses, his hands already roaming all over her.

"What about breakfast?" She replied wickedly. "I'm having it right now," she said right before she pushed him down into bed and pulled the covers over their heads.

Alex opened her eyes with a start and looked around the room. Another dream. So real it felt like yesterday. They had started a few weeks ago without warning. She sighed as she turned her head and looked out the window into the garden. She watched a butterfly gently land on the rose bush outside. She smiled at its delicate beauty. It was late afternoon and the sun was just starting its dip into the horizon. Maddie would be at the house soon. She had promised to visit this weekend and Alex had meticulously made all the arrangements so she could spend the weekend with her. She reached up to open the window to get a better view of the butterfly when she stopped and looked at her hands. They looked frail and thin, so different from what she remembered. But, then again, what did she expect? She would be 67 this year. The beauty of her youth had long since matured into a graceful and elegant woman worthy of the Udinov name. She was wealthy, respected and a pillar of the community.

"Mama?" A voice called out.

Alex's smiled widened and she opened her eyes to see her daughter round the corner of the library.

"Maddie ... you're early, honey," Alex said as she stiffly got up from her chair. Her daughter quickly made her way to Alex and hugged her warmly.

Maddie smiled as she let go of her mother. "Hi, Mama ... how have you been?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm happy to see you," Alex said as she watched her daughter sit down next to her on the couch. "How's Jonathan? How's my favorite grandson?"

"Mama, he's your only grandson and he's doing well. He wanted to come this weekend but he couldn't get leave. He had to stay on base for training."

"Of course, I understand. I'm so proud of him. A Navy SEAL. His grandfather would have been so proud of him," Alex beamed at her daughter.

"I know, Mama," Maddie said with a knowing smile.

Alex nodded and brushed a hair out of her daughter's face. "How are you doing?"

Maddie smiled. "The Board of Directors approved our plans for our energy division expansion. Zetrov's geothermal plants will be up and running by the end of next year. We'll have clean power for at least a hundred communities or more."

"Good, good. I knew you would make an excellent CEO," Alex smiled as she patted her daughter's hand. "Your father would have been so proud of you." Alex had passed the reins of Zetrov USA to her daughter several years ago confident that Maddie would take the company to the next level and she did. Under her leadership, Zetrov USA had pushed into clean energy and was now a global leader in the field.

"I know, you always say that," Maddie paused. "I just wish I had gotten to know Papa."

Alex gave her daughter a smile. It had been years since Maddie had used that tone with her. She used to beg Alex to tell her about Sean over and over. She never got tired of hearing about her father. Ever since she was a little girl, Alex had kept Sean's photo, his formal Navy portrait on her daughter's nightstand so she would always remember what he looked like. Maddie had taken that photo to college with her and it now sat on her desk at Zetrov USA. For the most part, Alex had told Maddie the truth about Sean with some obvious details deliberately left out for her safety. Details that she had kept hidden deep inside for decades. Details they had all kept hidden by mutual agreement when the nightmare finally ended.

But the years had passed and nothing had happened. Amanda had died and the nightmare had really finally ended. She watched with pride as her daughter grew from a girl to a young woman and a mother herself. Nikita, Michael, Birkoff and Ryan had formed the tight circle of family that Maddie had grew up with. Alex watched with mixed emotions as Michael and Nikita and Birkoff and Sonya had finally gotten married. Her heart ached when she watched them together, always wondering what her life might have been with Sean. But that sadness was tempered when she looked into her daughter's eyes, so much like her father's. Only she and Ryan remained unattached all these years. Despite what had happened between them, she had grown the closest to him over the years. He became like an older brother to her and a much needed uncle to Maddie. Ryan had even walked Maddie down the aisle. There wasn't a week that didn't pass that Maddie and Ryan didn't talk on the phone. He would never replace Sean for Maddie but she was glad that he had stepped up and taken Maddie under his wing.

Looking into her daughter's eyes, she knew it was time. It was time to tell her the truth about Sean and about her. "Maddie," Alex paused catching her daughter's attention.

"Yes, Mama?" She looked at Alex puzzled at her serious tone.

"I think it's time I told you about your father," Alex said as she felt a calm settle over her.

"Mama, I know all the stories already. I've memorized them even," Maddie continued with an understanding smile as she reassured her mother.

"No, you don't," Alex said quietly.

Maddie watched her mother's face turn serious and stilled. "Papa was a Navy SEAL and you met when a mutual acquaintance introduced you two. He died in a car accident before I was born. Uncle Birkoff said that he never thought you would give Papa the time of day, let alone date him," Maddie finished still looking at her mother.

Alex laughed despite herself. "Yes, that's true. Actually, your father and I strongly disliked each other the first time we met." Alex paused and took a deep breath. "I ... pointed a gun to his neck the first time I met him ... his own gun."

"What?!" Maddie said in shock.

Alex grabbed her daughter's hands to calm her. "Listen, what I'm about to tell you is ... the complete truth about your father and me. We met at a place called Division ..."

By the time Alex had finished her story, it was late into the night and they were both emotionally exhausted. Maddie because she had finally learned the truth about her father and mother, and Alex because all those memories and emotions that she had locked away for so long came rushing back. The pain, the happiness, the loss but most importantly the overwhelming love Sean had felt for her sent Alex's tears flowing freely down her face.

"So Papa died a hero then?" Maddie asked tears still staining her face. She had listened with shock and disbelief to her mother's story. Her parents and almost every adult she grew up knowing were part of a covert government group. This was like a movie but not.

Alex wiped the tears from her eyes. "Yes, he did. He died for me."

"No, he died for all of us," a voice from the doorway said softly.

Alex and Maddie turned to look at the voice.

"Uncle Ryan!" Maddie said surprised quickly getting up from the couch to greet him.

Ryan smiled warmly at her as he walked into the room. "It's good to see you Maddie," he said as she hugged him. He turned to Alex and nodded his head in greeting.

"We weren't expecting you until tomorrow," Maddie said still shocked but happy to see her favorite uncle.

Ryan looked at Alex and a look of understanding passed between them. He knew that one day Alex would tell Maddie about Sean and Division. At first, he had felt that the past should stay in the past. But as the years wore on, and as he saw Alex raise Maddie alone while all around them Michael, Nikita, and even Birkoff had found happiness, he knew that they owed it to Sean to tell his daughter how brave and selfless a man he was. How he had given up everything, his family, his career and in the end his life so that they would have a fighting chance.

"I wanted to beat the traffic so I thought your Mom wouldn't mind me staying one more night," Ryan answered as he sat down on the couch. He looked at Maddie's face and took a deep breath before he continued. "Maddie, I knew this day was coming. You deserve to know the truth about your father. He died protecting the one thing he loved most in the world. Your Mom."

Silent tears fell from Alex's face as she listened to Ryan talk about Sean. It had been so long ago.

"Those were dangerous times. It sounds like fiction now but the enemy was real and they were formidable. Your father never gave up. It wasn't in him. He was loyal, trustworthy and honorable." Ryan gave a small smile as he glanced at Alex. "And, he never, ever gave up on your mom. He doggedly pursued her until she gave in. I've never met a man since who could disarm your mom, both figuratively and literally, so quickly. He loved your mom more than anything in the world and he always had your mom's back. Always."

Maddie was silent as she listened to Ryan. It was so surreal. She would never look at her father's photo the same again. Her parents were the ultimate love story. She looked at her mother as she realized how much pain she must have felt over the years. "Mama, why didn't you tell me sooner? You always said that I had Papa's eyes. I must have filled you with so much regret when you looked at me."

"No, Maddie, never. You were the last thing your Papa gave me and it was the greatest gift of all. He gave me a part of him to keep with me forever," Alex said as she cried and hugged her daughter. "I love you and he loved me. Fate didn't allow us to be a family but I know with all my heart that if he was here today, he would love you and be just as proud of you as I am. You are our daughter. That will never change."

Mother and daughter hugged each other tightly and cried. One for the father she never knew and the other for the only man she had ever loved in her life.

Hours later after Maddie had turned in for the evening emotionally spent and exhausted, Ryan found Alex sitting in the library in her robe staring into the moonlit garden.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked softly.

Alex turned and smiled at him. "Thank you for today."

Ryan smiled back. "It was the truth. Maddie deserved to know about her father." He paused before he continued. "And we owed it to Sean to tell his story, all of it."

"We lost so much fighting Percy and then Amanda. It hardly seems worth it now," Alex mused as she watched Ryan sit down across from her and look out the window.

"We did what had to be done. What no one else could have done. We stopped evil."

"But we paid the price, didn't we?" Alex said solemnly.

"Some more than others, yes," Ryan countered softly.

"I still miss him, you know? There's not a day that goes by I don't think about him," Alex said with sadness.

"I know," Ryan said quietly.

"I never told him, Ryan. I never told Sean that I loved him."

Ryan looked at her. "He knew, Alex. He knew you loved him."

"But, I never said it. I was too stupid to admit that he was the best thing that ever happened to me," she said softly. "If only ..."

"Don't, Alex. Don't do this to yourself."

She smiled softly at him and nodded. They'd been through this conversation before. "Thank you again for today, Ryan. Thank you for everything you've done over the years for Maddie and for me. You didn't have to but you did."

Ryan smiled warmly at her. "I wanted to. She's grown into a strong, intelligent, and fierce woman just like her mother. You'll see Sean one day. I'm sure of it." He rose up from his chair. "Now get some sleep. It's getting late." He reached down and squeezed her hand before turning to leave the room.

"I will," Alex squeezed back. "I will."

The next morning Ryan walked into the library to find Alex asleep on the chair. He shook his head at her stubbornness. He walked up to gently wake her up when he noticed her limp form. He stood and stared at her lifeless body. He reached to check her pulse and found none. Her eyes were closed and she looked almost happy. He hadn't seen her so calm and serene in years. In her right hand was a yellowed and well-worn piece of paper. It looked old but well cared for. He reached down and gently took the letter. It was the letter that Michael had given Alex shortly after Sean's death. It was in Sean's bold and decisive handwriting still distinctive after more than 40 years.

"Alex,

I asked Michael to keep this letter safe for me just in case. If you're reading this now, then my worst fears have come true. I'm so sorry for leaving you. Please know that this is the last thing I ever want to do to you. I love you. I wanted to be there for you, always. But, I can't anymore so you have to be the strong, fierce, stubborn, capable woman that I fell in love with. I know you think you're damaged and broken but you're not. I want you to see yourself through my eyes. You are the strongest person I have ever met. You have been through so much but you've kept your heart despite all the pain. I don't know anyone who could have gone through what you have and still be able to get up every morning and want to make a difference in the world. You are an amazing woman.

I know you, Alex. Because of what happened to me, you're going to be hell-bent on revenge. You're going to be blinded by revenge but I don't want that. Revenge isn't the answer. Living is. You have friends that care deeply about you and you have a mother that loves you. Be there for them, always. They love you just as much as I do. Never forget that. Nikita, Michael, Birkoff and Ryan need you.

When you think you can't go on anymore, think of how much I loved you. I would give up everything in a heartbeat again if given a choice. I don't regret the choice I made, Alex. I chose you and these last few months have been the happiest of my life. I never thought I would get a chance at this kind of love, this once in a lifetime kind of love. You've made me the happiest guy alive. My only regret is that I had to leave you so soon. I wanted to have a family with you. I wanted to watch you fall asleep in my arms every night and I wanted to wake up with you by my side every morning. I wanted to grow old with you. I wanted a lifetime with you.

But I also want you to be happy. Really happy. You, of all people, deserve to be happy. So as hard as this is for me to say, I want you to find someone else, Alex. Someone who will love you for who you are and make you happy, as happy as you made me. Open yourself to them like you did for me. Don't be afraid to let them in. Do it for me.

Keep fighting, keep living, Alex. Don't ever give up. We'll see each again, I promise. Until then, always remember that I love you and that I know you loved me.

Always,

Sean"

Tears were streaming down Ryan's face as he finished reading the letter. He had never asked her what the letter had said and she had never told him. But she had stayed true to Sean's letter. She had kept fighting, kept living and had never given up. Maddie was living proof of that. He folded the letter carefully and turned to his old friend. He gently slipped the letter back into her hand as he took one final glance at her. Maybe she would finally get to see Sean again. Maybe that had been what had kept her going all these years. He quietly closed his eyes for a moment and smiled. With a heavy heart, Ryan turned to find Maddie.


End file.
